Come with me to a third grade classroom.....
There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and
all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet 
and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his
heart is going to stop because he can not  possibly imagine

how this has happened. It's never happened before,

and he knows that when the boys find  out he will never hear the end of it.

When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.
The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts
his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this 
is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes
from now I'm dead meat."
He looks up from his prayer and here comes the
teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has 
been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate
named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled 
with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher
and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the
boy's lap.
The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is
saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"
Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of
ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The 
teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym
shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the
other children are on their hands and knees cleaning 
up around his desk.  The sympathy is wonderful. But 
as life would have it, the ridicule that should have 
been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. 
She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've
done enough, you klutz!"
Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting
for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers,    
"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."
May God help us see the opportunities that are
always around us to do good.
Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

This is a good lesson to keep in mind over this holiday season.

If you have some time to kill, here are a couple of fun games to try out.  I hate to admit it but it took four tries before I could fill in the states correctly.  let me know how you did.

Can you pass the third grade

http://www.pibmug.com/files/map_test.swf

Reaction time

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf

Here in Pittsburgh when ever the snow starts to fly there is a run on bread and toilet paper.  Every one here jokes about it, but as soon as the first forecast for snow is aired on TV, the grocery stores are complete emptied of bread and TP.  It is as if the entire elderly population of western PA sits waiting for the call so they can get their walkers, and their oxygen tanks and plunge their oversized buicks into the on coming storm to get their supplies.  It is crazy, we even have newscasters in the grocery store to give updates on how much bread and TP is left.  In the aftermath, those of us not fortune enough to acquire said bread and toilet paper are forced to go on EBay and and pay 10 times the going rate so we can eat our pb&j, and clean our tuckas.  The weather man is calling for our first 1/2 inch of snow, everyone in Pittsburgh will panic like they have never seen snow before, our city will shut down and the newscaster will be sitting on the side of the road measuring the snow fall with a ruler, telling us it is the end of the world.   I hate winter, how many days left till I can ride my Harley.

 If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in there marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

I bet there was some intresting suffing and gravy that Thanksgiving

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them. Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only approaches people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't, and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach.   Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly in a hushed voice. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, "She sells batteries." "Batteries?!" cried the wife with astonishment. "Yes,....." he replied calmly. You're gonna hate me for this... "She sells C cells by the seashore."

This weekend my wife and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary together.  We decided to take a trip to Gettysburg PA and stay at very nice Bed and breakfast called the Bectal Inn.  This place was awesome, and would recommend it to anyone who was staying in the the area.  It was a three story Victorian house that was totally restored. The innkeeper Carol gave us some history of the house and told us that the room we were staying in was made for the original owner's son.  It was situated at the back of the house and had access to the servants stairs so the son could go sow his wild oats at night and not disturb the rest of the family.  The rest of the house was breathtaking as well.

In the morning we woke to the smell of fresh coffee, homemade puff pancakes, sausage, homemade syrup, and fresh fruit cups yum. We got dressed and went down and ate our fill.  We met some interesting people from all around who came to see the battlefield in Gettysburg.

After breakfast me and Heather went to find the Apple Harvest festival, which was one of the reasons we went down.  Lesson 1, don't ask for directions in Gettysburg, I don't think those people know where they are at.  Two hours later and no closer to fresh apple dumplings we gave up and went into town to tour the battlefields and cemeteries.  The sites were marvelous my wife who isn't really a history buff really enjoyed herself.  We toured all the monuments and took thousands of pictures like the tourist we are. It was getting late and we made our way back it to Gettysburg to take a famous ghost tour of the city.  Our guide walked us through the dark alleys of Gettysburg with a candle lit lantern and told us about the strange inhabitants of the town.  Gus the ghost in the library who likes to ride the elevator up and down, the phantom regiment who is seen reenacting the one of the battles on the battlefield,  The young soldiers who like to hitch rides in the back of your car and sitesee, and finally young Jenny Wade who was killed by a stray bullet while making bread for the union army. 

After the tour we were hungry so we stopped at Dobbin House Tavern.  It is located under the inn and looks like bar would look about twohunderd years ago.  We ate roast chicken off the spit and drank some sort of concoction that they limit you to two because it contains so much alcohol.  It was late and they kicked us out of the tavern, so we made our way back to room and went to sleep. 

The next morning it was apple crisp, homemade french toast, and home butterscotch syrup for breakfast.  After we said our goodbyes to wonderful hosts, we went in search of the Apple Harvest festival again.  We found it this time, but sat in traffic for about an hour and were not there yet so we gave up and came home.  We will have to wait till next year to see what it is all about.  No apple dumplings for me(sniff). On our way home we stopped at some covered bridges and took some pictures.  There are over 250 covered bridges in PA and my wife try to visit a couple every year on our anniversary. It is like a treasure hunt because most of the bridges are on unmarked roads and really hard to find. Anyway we found three, one of which three rebel soldiers were hung in, during the civil war, and is supposed to be haunted.  We didn't see any ghosts when we were there, but on one of my pictures there are three orbs floating by the bridge. I'll let you decide if they are the spirits of the soldiers of the past. 

The last place we stopped on our was home was the flight 93 memorial in Shanksville it was a solemn place and I'll talk about it in my next blog.  We made our way home and pick up our kids and went back to our normal hectic lives.  There is nothing like a peaceful drive through the hills of PA in fall to unwind. Very great trip.

My wife has me busy with volunteer work for our children's school school, and I have been a little busy at work.  I will find away to to come visit as soon as I am able.   Here is a quick joke and a cute link to a fun Halloween game if you got time.

http://www.mpr933.com/russlock/cat.swf

Thank You For Shopping At Wal - Mart ... One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor." So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart." That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was,  Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

Hope You Had A Laugh

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and
walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.
They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have
just one question about what I have seen in America."
President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."
The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there
is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and Sulu who is Chinese,
but no Arabs. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't
any Iranians on Star Trek."
President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered
back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

Well I finished it.  My investment house that is.  Last week my agent Jeannie told a client that I would have the house done on Sunday and to stop by. Unfortunately for me I still had about two weeks of work left, and clean up to do.   So for the last week I have  been going to the house before work, getting a couple hours in, going to work, and then returning to the house after work and working until 1 or 2 Am.  I am glad it was only for a week, because this was definitely not a schedule that I would want every day.  My agent must have been feeling the pressure because she came over a couple of days and was scrubbing the floors, and the kitchen for me. 

The couple came over to look at my completed house on Sunday, and luckily  didn't step in any wet paint, and they loved it.  They have until this Sunday to put a bid in before I put it on the market for anyone.  Lets hope they do bid on it, so I don't have to go through any of that open house crap.  I don't mind fixing things, but I do hate playing host to a bunch of people I don't know. I'll keep everyone informed.  This is going to be the first house I ever sold, so I know there is bound to be some problems in the foreseeable future.

Well I am going to go around and say hi to everyone.  Later

P.S.  I have downloaded this beta version of windows live writer and it is pretty cool. It inserts pictures and links relatively easily, and it has a spell check(thank God).  It hooks up right to your blog so you don't have to cut and paste either. I'll post the link as soon as I remember where I got it from.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed, and rather Arabic looking woman, hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but, I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess, and I take orders from no one." To which the gay flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

I am sitting here watching the opening game of the football season between the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the Miami Dolphins, and I can’t help but feel a little bit cocky.  I will put my home town team the Super Bowl Champions Steelers against any other team in blogland, and I would like to issue a challenge to any football fans out there.  Winner gets bragging rights, and the losers have to post a picture of the winning team on there blog site for a month with a complementary comment about the team.  Do I have any takers?  Send me a comment with your team and your best trash talk, and I will post a list on my blog keeping track of the participating teams and their season record.  Let me know if there are any real fans out there. 

Lets Play FootBall!